


It's a Viscous Cycle

by Beltenebra



Category: Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Bad Puns, Crack, Gen, Humor, ItteQ, Japanese variety TV, Kilts, Scotland, badly approximated accents, haggis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-06 01:52:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8730013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beltenebra/pseuds/Beltenebra
Summary: One of Tegoshi's many encounters with world cultures forced on him by the folks at ItteQ.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is what happens when I am allowed watch The Food Network at 4 AM. I think things like this are _great ideas_! This was inspired by an episode of _Glutton for Punishment_ , I figured that Tego has been packed off to all sorts of other crazy cultural festivals, why not this one?

Tegoshi made his way into his morning meeting with a vague sense of foreboding which was confirmed as soon as he saw Miyagawa Daisuke and his manager already seated at the table.

He shot his manger a pleading glance but the man shook his head, "Your concert tours have wound down, you are more than overdue for another festival challenge."

Across the table, Miyagawa sighed and looked resigned, "What god-forsaken corner of the world are they sending us to this time?"

Their managers handed them the files of information and gave them their best it's-not-as-bad-as-all-that grins, "Somewhere with hundreds of years of unique traditions and a very strong cultural identity!"

Tegoshi and Miyagawa looked skeptically at each other before flipping the files open, "Su-kotto-lando?" Tegoshi sounded it out.

"And what are you sending us there to do, exactly?" Miyagawa asked, hoping that it didn't have anything to do with mud or plowing.

"It's a very old cultural festival, they'll give you all of the details when you get there." his manager said, his smile slightly nervous.

The answer was less than reassuring.

*

"This," thundered the large Scotsman, plunking a rounded, squishy, slightly steaming blob down on the platter in front of them, "is haggis." He grinned wide and nodded as if that was all they needed to know.

Tegoshi eyed the thing with disbelief, his nose wrinkling a little from the pungent smell. "But, Andrew-san, what exactly _is_ a haggis?"

Andrew was more than happy to explain the composition and history of his nation's signature dish in excruciating detail. With hand gestures. And visual aides.

At least Miyagawa also looked a little green around the gills, so it wasn't just him. "But what do they do with the _rest_ of the sheep?" he asked faintly just as Miyagawa piped up.

"And you're supposed to _eat_ this?!"

"Aye! Well, and throw it. That's sort of the whole point of why you're here."

*

Tegoshi frowned and rubbed his shoulder. The haggis was heavy, although thankfully not at all slimy, and he had only managed to throw it about seventy feet. He mentally calculated his toss into meters while their coach cheerfully informed Minagawa that he threw even worse then Tegoshi. Apparently, if Tegoshi threw like a 'wee lassie' than Miyagawa was like 'an anemic granny'.

At least he had managed to convince the coach that he was actually a boy. It taken a few hours of being addressed as 'lass' for Tegoshi to catch on.

He had looked up at the coach and informed him plaintively, "But, I'm a _boy_."

The man had just smiled and laughed and patted him on the head, "Sure,an' yeh are lass!"

He was irritated. Their coach had informed them that the world record was something like a hundred and ten feet farther than Tegoshi could throw. He knew that no matter how hard he tried, he wasn't even getting close. He watched Miyagawa's practice lobs and frowned, you could probably add both of their scores together and not get close. He hated knowing that he didn't really stand a chance of being real competition. But it didn't mean he wouldn't try his best anyway.

An hour later he had gained a few feet on his throw and an ache in his shoulder.

He looked balefully up at their coach, "And this is supposed to be... fun?" 

"Well, sure it is! What do yeh do for fun back in Japan?"

"Ummm, I play soccer."

"Football, eh! Well, I suppose that explains yer girlie little arms then, don'it." The man perked up "Do yeh follow the Manchester United?"

He didn't really, but he thought that wasn't really the correct response in this case. He gave the best answer he could without outright lying, "My very good friend Koki is a big fan! They're great!" He accompanied this with a sparkly smile and hoped for the best.

At the mention of the name a loud cheer went up from a few of the other men who were milling about, some of them started belting out a song which Tegoshi assumed it was related to the team, their translator was having some trouble making sense of it. The man laughed and gave him a friendly clap on the shoulder that almost bowled him over, "So yeh aren't a complete loss then are yeh, lad? Well let's see if we can whip you two into shape in time for the competition. At the very least we'll have yeh looking the part."

*

When Tegoshi made his appearance fully decked out in traditional Scottish garb Miyagawa gave him a once over and cocked an eyebrow, "You look more comfortable in a plaid skirt with no underwear than you probably ought to, Tegoshi-kun."

Tegoshi just blinked back at him, not at all phased, "But I have to wear skirts all the time for my regular job, plaid ones even. They _do_ usually make me wear something under it though. I got a stern talking to a few years ago about not wearing enough clothing backstage. Something about needing to do extra editing on the DVD footage" the younger man added absently as he smoothed down the folds of his kilt.

He took his turn in the actual competition enduring a great deal of cheering and cat-calling having to do with the 'lovely lass' who had come so far to participate. He endured it all with his perfect idol smile firmly in place.

Later on at the pub he got his own back by drinking Miyagawa and half of their party under the table, going toe-to-toe with Andrew in downing Scotch. Tegoshi beamed as the other men pounded his back and informed him that he might look like a girl but he drank like a man. The fact that his mouth had gone numb and his brain fuzzy was more of a blessing than anything when they brought out a traditionally prepared haggis for them to eat in celebration.

All in all, he supposed it was one of the better festivals he had been forced to take part in. The people were all completely crazy, but very welcoming. They even let him keep the skirt.


End file.
